List and Listless
by The Goliath Beetle
Summary: Where Stork's got a funky jacket, Junko's turned evil, Radarr's carrying the luggage, Aerrow's a smuggler, Piper's crazy, and Finn just wants a T-shirt.


List and Listless

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**A/N: I've had this idea in my head for days now, but I didn't have the time. Have fun reading =)**

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"Pi-_per_," Finn whined. The poor boy. He sounded so much like a tortured puppy, that his friend actually spared him an unsympathetic glance.

"No, Finn."

"It's a Nimbus Nimrods T-shirt, that's all!" the sharpshooter wailed. "T-shirt! _Nimbus Nimrods._ I'm not asking to buy the _team. _Just a T-shirt!"

"Do you need it?" she barked.

"Yes."

"No, you don't." And with that firm verdict, she turned away, and continued to push the shopping cart down the aisle, stopping only to pull out a sheet of paper from her pocket. She consulted it for only a moment before taking something off a shelf and moving on.

Dejected, Finn kicked the floor, almost stepping on a fellow shopper's foot. Not even pausing to apologize, he trailed behind Piper.

Finn what what you called an impulsive shopper. Every time he saw something he decided he liked, he absolutely needed to have it. And Piper? Piper what what you called an obsessive-complusive, stringently strict, manic shopping list Nazi.

If it wasn't on the shopping list, it wasn't going to be bought. If it wasn't on the shopping list, it wasn't needed. Even if it _was _needed, but was not on the shopping list, it wasn't needed. When they went shopping, Piper's list was the law.

Junko found Finn sulking by the toiletries section, half-heartedly examining a razor. (Which, Aerrow pointed out, they definitely did need, and it had dutifully been marked on the List.) "There was this awesome T-shirt," Finn said unhappily. "Nimbus Nimrods."

"It's okay," Junko said, trying to console his best friend. He, after all, knew both of Finn's love for the Nimrods, and his need to purchase everything in sight. "I got some chocolate for you."

Finn gratefully accepted a Mars Bar from Junko's large hands. "Thanks, buddy. Now how are we gonna get this past Piper?"

The Wallop laughed evilly. Finn rarely got to see the kniving side of this Storm Hawk, but he also knew that chocolate got the worst out of Junko. With a sly grin, he casually went towards the end of the aisle (Finn followed, watching closely), pressed himself to a side, and in a low voice, whispered, "The eagle has flown, I repeat, the eagle has flown."

"What the...?" Finn muttered.

A hand shot out of the side of the aisle, and Junko quickly deposited two Mars Bars and and a few Snickers to it. Then the hand went behind the shelf and out of sight.

"Wai-wai-wait," Finn cried, "What the h—" Junko shut him up by placing a huge palm on his mouth.

"Quiet," he whispered, "Or Piper'll find out!"

"Who was that?" Finn whispered excitedly, freeing himself from his best friend's grasp.

"That's our agent," Junko said secretively. And then, in a more modest tone, added, "Just Aerrow. We've got this smuggling ring, you see. Whatever we want—small stuff, of course—we have to find a way to smuggle it out of the store, legally, without Piper finding out. You _know _how she is about those darn shopping lists." He took a breath. "We've been working on it for weeks now. We've got two guys on the outside, and two from the inside, and that's how it works."

"What about me?" Finn asked. "You never told me!"

"It was Stork's idea! He said you'd just take stuff like a kleptomaniac without any regard to the price."

"I _so _wouldn't do that," Finn snapped indignantly. "Anyway, who are the guys on the outside?"

"Who else? Stork and Radarr!"

* * *

It was a plan so good, it would've made Piper proud.

Radarr's ears twitched. Even though he hated being a part of this intricate but simple strategy, the rewards were monumental, and that's what mattered.

As he patrolled the outsides of the supermarket, he kept his eyes out for any sign of Aerrow. Nervously, he looked up at Stork for reassurance. Not the best person to go to for that, but it was better than doing this alone.

"Remember the drill, Radarr," Stork said calmly. "You've done this hundreds of times."

_Not really hundreds of times, but okay, _thought Radarr, and he gave a small chirp in affirmation.

"All you need to do," Stork continued, "Is sneak in with me."

Stork himself was dressed fantastically. The first time Radarr saw this Merb wearing that long black jacket that flared out at the ends, he almost jumped. But now he was used to it. This odd clothing had become the fashion.

Radarr suddenly saw his best friend through the glass, the unmistakable red hair getting closer to the front of the store.

"Come on," Stork said coolly. He opened his jacket and Radarr jumped in, hanging dearly onto the insides of the fine cloth.

Stork quietly closed the jacket and buttoned it, with Radarr safely inside.

"You okay?" Stork asked in a low voice.

A soft chirp from Radarr was all the Merb got. The creature hated this part of the operation. It was excessively hot inside the jacket, and Radarr already had one coat of fur as it was. It was scarier when Stork would walk, because he'd have to clutch onto the cashmere like no-one's business. Falling would be really bad.

Worse still was when they would enter the lovely, air-conditioned supermarket, and they'd have to pass through a metal detector. Radarr didn't know why, but this terrified him. Perhaps it was the knowledge that they were doing something, that though wasn't illegal, was ethically wrong, and frankly bizarre.

Though Radarr couldn't see where he was going, he knew that Stork was taking him towards Aerrow.

"Is that all?" the Merb asked, sounding more and more like an intelligence agent than an _intelligent _agent.

"I think. Though Finn said he wanted—"

"Finn!" Stork cried, a little louder. "You told him?"

"Junko did," Aerrow said defensively. "He said he wanted a T-shirt."

"A T-shirt? This plan was only for _small _stuff! I haven't worked out the logistics for T-shirts. Or anything large, for that matter."

"Relax, Stork," Aerrow said, "I'm sure we can manage it."

"Pfft. Where is Finn, anyway?"

"Changing room."

"Oh great. I thought you're only supposed to call me when you're ready!"

"I thought Finn would be ready by now!"

"Hah."

Radarr closed his eyes as his limbs started to ache. This is why the process had to happen fast. _Fast, fast, fast. _In, out. Like a blur, like lightning...

"Where's Piper?" Stork questioned. "Do we have eyes on Piper?"

"Junko's tailing her on the pretex of helping her find things."

"How much time do we have?"

"She's already down to number ten on that list, last I checked. We've got until seven more items."

The seconds passed like turtles crossing a road. Radarr had started doing this thing where he'd let go of the jacket with one limb at a time, that way resting all four of them for at least a few seconds.

"What's that?"

"Oh no."

Radarr braced himself for doom.

* * *

"Are you _sure _we're done, Piper?" Junko asked desperately. "I bet you haven't found the cereal, or, or, the, um—"

"Found everything," Piper declared. "See for yourself." And she shoved a beautifully organised list in front of Junko's eyes, in which every item had been checked off. "It's organised by alphabet, and by the ascending order of prices: from least expensive to most expensive."

"Ah."

There had to be something Junko could do, something to buy them more time...Something...Something...

"IS THAT AN AUXILIARY HYDROCAPSULE?" He pushed the shopping cart aside, so aggresively, that the thing upturned (Piper cried out in surprise), and its contents poured out. He made a show of dashing to a near-by shelf, picking something up, and saying, "Oh, it's just a computer tablet..."

"Junko!" Piper yelled. "Look what you did!"

The enormous mess on the floor consisted of everything from pickle jars to tampons, cereal boxes to batteries. Some glass food containers had broken too, spilling out various sauces and spreads.

The ruckus found everyone's attentions. Several salesmen and cleaners swooped towards them, and they weren't even polite about it. Not that Junko had expected them to be...

* * *

"Oh no," Stork muttered as observed the chaos taking place at the far end of aisle seven.

"Junko did it," Aerrow said, "It's a diversion. Go!"

"What about Finn's shirt?" asked Stork, not knowing why he cared.

"Forget it, go! It's now or never."

You knew that when Aerrow started talking cheesy stuff, things were serious.

The Merb, and in a manner of speaking, Radarr, stormed to the cash counters just like any Storm Hawk worth his name would. Luckily, there was no queue. Stork dumped an assortment of candies and small knick-knacks (Aerrow had also remembered to get Stork some anti-Bog Fever ointment, bless his heart) onto the counter, slamed a wad of cash on the table, and said, "Hurry up, hurry up. Oh we are so doomed."

In less than five minutes, he was handed a paper bag full of the stuff. Now it was Radarr's turn.

"Radarr!"

The creature shot out of Stork's jacket, snatched the paper bag and burst for the door, all in one move. If they weren't so panicked, this would have been a much more calm procedure. But they were panicked, so it wasn't.

Stork grabbed the bill and followed the blue-furred being out of the store, just as he heard Finn cry, "HEY! COME BACK HERE!"

* * *

The evening was relatively quiet. Everyone was either furious, drained, amused, or traumatized. But whatever the reason, there was little or no conversation, even during dinner. But it had been a good day, Stork reflected as he stared out of the pilot's screen. A very good day indeed.

Once again, he found himself feeling extreme pride in the way he'd acted today. Along with Radarr, of course. The only two people who knew what was going on. He loved how he slapped the money down on the counter like that, and how, as planned, Radarr had jumped out, taken the bags, and whizzed off to the Condor.

The loot they'd gathered was still in Aerrow's room. The boys never got the time that evening to sort out what stuff belonged to whom. And Finn, of course, was still sulking about not acquiring that Nimbus Nimrods T-shirt, and not to mention getting heavily yelled at by Piper for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. But to be fair, even Junko had gotten a serious scolding, and the Wallop had dealt with it better (No tears!)

"But that's because I saved our butts," Junko had declared proudly when asked. "You guys are glad I tipped that cart, or we'd all be in deep trouble when Piper saw what we were doing."

Which, of course, was true.

_Anyway, _Stork thought to himself, _We need an in-case-of-emergencies-list, if something like this happens again. _And then there was more planning needed to sneak away bigger stuff. There was little chance Radarr could carry large things into the Condor in one run, lot less do it quickly.

_Ah, _Stork mused as he put the Condor on auto-pilot for the night. _Work, work, work..._

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**A/N: What do you think? Thanks for reading, and please leave a review :) **


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